Arguing Insanity

Broken Doll

She said that the door has closed on you
Never come back here
She draws the curtains closed
She screams and she lets it all go

She closes her eyes now
Hiding all of the pain
Covers the scars with the hope
That she’s okay

Locked inside her mind; it’s a disaster
Locked inside a room without light to shine on her
She’s a prisoner without walls she can see
She’s  tortured, angry, devastated, yea
Maybe she’s a broken doll 

The memories spin like a movie in black and white
The reel, it stops, showing her still frames
Of another time, another life
She cries in desperation as the tears fall down

She wishes that she could heal this pain
Stop her heart from breaking
She wants to heal, she wants to feel
She want to be okay

Locked inside her mind; it’s a disaster
Locked inside a room without light to shine on her
She’s a prisoner without walls she can see
She’s  tortured, angry, devastated, yea
Maybe she’s a broken doll

She reaches for the light somehow
She smiles and it’s so profound
She breaks away from her cage
She’s dancing and now she’s okay

Locked inside her mind; it’s a disaster
Locked inside a room without light to shine on her
She’s a prisoner without walls she can see
She’s  tortured, angry, devastated, yea
Maybe she’s a broken doll 

Oh, 2009, how I loved and loathed thee. Yes, it is time now for my yearly “End of the Year Reflectory’ journal/blog post.  Don’t bitch about it; I’m not making you sit through it. :P

Anyways, it is now 2010, and I am reflecting back on the year of 2009.  It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t good, and it most certainly wasn’t mediocre by any means.  So, I shall break it down into The Awesome, The Good, The Bad, and The Horrible.

The Awesome

1. I hurt my knee (It is now better than before)
2. Larry and I got an apartment
3. Started NWN again
4. Found out that I can cook and bake!
5. Aspen the New Cat came into our life
6. My dad’s family FINALLY realizing that they are a FAMILY
7. Going to be an aunt… again!
8. Larry met my family in Kansas!

The Good

1. I hurt my knee (Better now than when I’m older)
2. Got my promise ring!
3. Stacy got married
4. Found old friends on Facebook!
5. Larry looked SMOKING hot at Stacy’s wedding
6. Saw Darius Rucker!
7. I have awesome friends at work
8. Kimchi laid eggs!
9. My family loves Larry!

The Bad

1. I hurt my knee (Surgery)
2. This was the year for celebrity deaths
3. The doors still aren’t on the wash room
4. it took Larry almost 4 months to build his tank
5. Kimchi’s eggs turned out to be duds
6. Mama Clownfish got marine velvet and died
7. It took 26 straight hours of driving to get to my dad’s hometown

The Horrible

1. MY UNCLE DIED (RIP, Uncle Phil.  You know I love you.)
2. MICHEAL JACKSON DIED (RIP, MJ.  We will always love you.)
3. I hurt my knee (OUT OF WORK!!!!!!)
4. Missing work
5. Cleaning the apartment top to bottom
6. Finally knowing what it’s like to be flat broke
7. The apartment is still messy from Larry’s building project
8. Lost Baby Clownfish to marine velvet right before Midnight
9. Pinto and Jumper died
10. MY UNCLE DIED.

I really wish that I could think of more stuff, but as you can see probably by my blog and what not.  I kind of lost interest in blogging after my uncle passed.  We were by no means close, but he was my favourite uncle and was the uncle my father was the closest to.  I am fairly close to his daughters as well.

One other good thing about my Uncle’s death: it had finally made my dad’s family realize that they have each other and no one else.  For the first time since I can remember, my other uncle called US just to shoot the shit with my dad.  And he’s done it three times since my uncle’s death.  My aunt called to talk to my dad and my mom, just to talk. My dad’s dysfunctional family is still dysfunctional, but they are slowing learning that you are never too old to repair broken relationships.

I guess that’s what 2009 was all about:  Repairing broken relationships and letting go of ones that cannot be repaired.

And for that, I am thankful.

I wish you all a safe and happy new year! ฉันขอให้คุณทุกปีใหม่ปลอดภัยและสุข! (chan khaaw hai khoon thook bpee mai bplaawt phai lae soo!) Ich wünsche Ihnen alles das ein sehr sicheres und glückliches Neujahr!

I have been writing a lot of songs lately and wishing that I had band to sing with or something to create the music with. That would be nice.

Finished my Christmas shopping and wrapping yesterday.  All is well.

Yule came and went without much affair.  I had wanted to do something with @meowatthemoon this year.  Oh well, there’s always next year.

Mom asked me, point blank, “How’s your sex life?” yesterday.  All I could respond back was “It works, and that’s all I care about.” LOL

I need to finish the laundry, iron, clean the kitchen, make lunch, clean out the litter box, and head to Wally World to get Aspen more mice to play with.  Yee haw.  Wish me luck. LOL

Lyrics - Frozen And Stuck

Everything is flowing
In and out of focus
Facing all my demons and I
Want to hide in the darkness

Can’t feel the solid ground
Right beneath my feet
Gotta face the fact that you
Have left without me

Your smile held me in this spot
Your touch made me feel so hot
Your eyes lead me deep inside
Your lies held onto my heart
And I, I am frozen and stuck

Quickly before all my tears fall
Down around me
I can lie, can’t I?
Just as good as you

If I keep my face forward
Towards the sun that never shines
I just might delude myself
Tell myself that this is right

Your smile held me in this spot
Your touch made me feel so hot
Your eyes lead me deep inside
Your lies held onto my heart
And I, I am frozen and I’m  stuck

You never cared at all
Cause you
Would’ve been there to catch me when I fall
And I fall every single day
Looking for the answers that might help me find my way

Your smile held me in this spot
Your touch made me feel so hot
Your eyes lead me deep inside
Your lies held onto my heart
And I, I am frozen and I’m stuck

Oh, I
I am frozen and I’m stuck